Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Eve Imaginations

If I were in the Philippines now...

I'd be in a crowded supermarket with my mom ...

Cramming to buy grocery for new year's eve ...

Maybe in our tindahan passing time ...

Or having fun conversations with tita gangging and ate au ...

And probably inhaling the salty air from the beach ...

Or making passing chikka with ate angie and kuya oka ...

Or maybe running around with my nephew CJ ...

Or maybe prepare the house for 2009.

I just can imagine.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Fragments of Memories

Usually the little events in one's life are the ones that occupy the most memory - the ones that are most unforgettable. Like the wail of a premature baby. The small pats of a father during bedtime. The sweetness of freshly cut sugarcane. The soft crash of the waves heard while scribbling crush names on the sand. The bubbles of carbon in a glass of coke while sharing frenzied laughter with cousins. The wet lick of a most cherished pet dog. The constant pitter patter of rain outside jalousied windows. The callous feel of a palm of salt while perched on a wide sineguellas branch on a warm summer afternoon. The smell of newly bought books during school enrollment. A returned smile from a most admired one. A shivering hand held during a cheesy movie. Fried bananas on sticks with housemates on Saturday afternoons. The smell of gutters in Carbon. The shaky elevator rides in Skyrise. The surprising discovery of a male rabbit named Shobe. The tears of a mom bidding farewell. The approaching lights of Los Angeles. The looking forward to seeing Mr. Snowman. The long cold thirty-minute walks to Walmart. Code-scribbling on a whiteboard in an interview room. The call of good news from a recruiter. Heart-felt blogging on a winter's night.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Boring

I am pretty much bored here. Have accomplished much today - well I think so. Went to church, was able to do all of my laundry, clean my room, do the accounting for the apartment, grocery, discard old coupons, transfer the stuff of the balikbayan box to the new box, rearrange my cabinet (feeling OC na kaayo ko), clean the kitchen, and had lunch with Ma'am Rosa and Carla. It is just 6:27pm here and I am now thinking "What else can I do?". I guess I can throw out trash and clean out everything. I am pretty much alone in the apartment - with greg at this time still travelling from California. I really miss my family. Waah this sounds like a sirang plaka na pero I really miss my family and the compound. I miss my dog duchess. I miss my housemates and my friends. I miss the Philippines. I miss everything. I bought myself a cooking book "Complete Comfort Food" which was highly recommended by my ever buotan na Tita Nora. I am beginning to learn a lot of dishes na and I hope I will improve a lot in cooking 'coz I never found the time to really learn when I was still a teenager. I really envied my cousins for they learned a lot of stuff and I was all the while scurrying with my studies and my school activities. I just wish I have extra baking pans and mixing bowls so I can bake bread here. Waaahh I am yakking here .. even my writing's beginning to sound b-o-r-i-n-g. Tomorrow's another day of work but another holiday is again approaching - meaning, no pay again for me. The disadvantage of a contract worker. Lingawa ko beh. Grabeh ka boring. Unsa pa man ako buhaton dinhi? Chikahi sad ko ninyo beh. Haaaay. Mamatay ko sa kamingaw.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I just have to

I wonder what I did wrong. People are supposed to stick together but the cold shoulder makes me wonder what made her act that way. I really did my best but why on earth does she treat me that way? Did I really do something wrong? Reflecting back on things, I may have been at fault in some small ways but they were very lame for them to be the reason on the cold shoulder. This makes me lonelier.

My father long ago told me that I should not please all people. I just cannot do it. But still, I do my best. I maybe at fault by doing that but sometimes I really just can't help it. At times, I get tired that I just shun everyone. That happened yesterday. On Christmas day. When I got home from my aunt's house, I just slept, stirred and wondered, and slept again. I never felt so alone on a Christmas day. Never.

I miss my housemates in Cebu. I miss my family. I miss the bubbles of laughter. I miss the jokes.

But this is life and I have to live it. I have to survive. I just have to.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Stare and be Silent

An arms reach away he was -
I could barely see his chinky eyes dancing in laughter
Covered by his black curtain of hair
And all I could do is stare and be silent.

His laugh, like a couple of tiny bells shaking -
Composing a tune that would lull me to wonder
What is this thing that I feel
And all I could do is stare and be silent.

A weekend's start is fresh with you by my side,
With you unknowing of this interest that you
Have sparked within me.
And all I could do is stare and be silent.

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He was really just an arm's reach away and all I could do was stare. We still exchange words and still he knows nothing. Now he is a million miles away, I could stare no more and still I remain silent.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Looking forward to being un-dead

I read this article - about being like dead at the age of 28 from inquirer.net : http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/lifestyle/lifestyle/view/20081214-177865/Woman-thinks-her-life-is-over-at-28 and can't help but see myself in a similar manner. Well, I really don't hate my job - in fact I love my current job, I love my team and my company but social-wise, I think I am dead. Hahahaha. I just go to work, go home, sleep, and work again. During the weekends, I tend to circle Redmond and Bellevue but not really interact with humans. In short, I am pretty bored. I don't even know if I can be defined as a human being. Or as a social being perhaps with the social side of my life inactive.

This is the reason why I am going to volunteer for the Humane Society come February. I really look forward to doing this! Learning how to care for animals, walk dogs, feed them and the best thing is, interacting with the other volunteers. Then I can be human again! Hahaha. I can't help but recall the cut song from the animation Beauty and the Beast "Human Again" sang by the candlestick what's his name again? Lumier? and the rest of the ex-human staff of the Beast Castle.

Life has been stable but can't help and look for other social outlets in life. Lousy I know. And I am still beginning to face my social side here in Redmond. Maybe next week perhaps with a plate of sushi in between or Filipino food. Perhaps. :)

Weather has not been too good but not really that bad. I mean - a little sprinkle of snow here and there and the people here panic! They even cancelled classes. A little snow wouldn't harm you! I survived snow storms in Iowa - and walked to Walmart for at least 30 minutes while it was snowing. How is that? But yeah - it is really melancholic seeing the thin layer of snow lacing Redmond and can't help but recall my Iowa winter experience.

Well back to work! ^_^

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I nearly died today

I could have cried immediately but I did not. I just hurried in fear.

I just came from USPS (post office) and decided to just walk the few remaining blocks home. I felt I wanted to shed a few pounds off so why not? A few minutes of walk is nothing. In the last intersection, I thought that I really am looking forward to go home 'coz it is getting cold. I was even conscious of my bubblewrap-like jacket and was thinking that maybe these drivers at the intersection think I look like that mascot of a tire company. When the pedestrian light turned white, I began crossing the street. I was half-way when this SUV swooshed in front of me! I really had mixed emotions. One more step then I'd be dead. I am sure of that. It was so fast. And it ran the damn red light. I could not even think anymore, could not even remember the plate number. I felt so numb that I wanted to cry on the spot. I was thinking many times over that I am so lucky to still be alive. I thought drivers here respect pedestrians but now I seem to have changed my impression. Thank you Lord for still letting me live. Thank you.