Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Something Fishy

Couldn't remember when was the last time I made an entry in this blog. I just remembered that I have a blogspot. Dory syndrome strikes again!

I have always had a good memory. I could remember names in one snap of a finger. That was then. But now, I tend to be very forgetful, and I keep reading lines again and again to place those words in the deep recesses of my brain. I think this affects my work speed. I keep thinking I'm really now becoming Dory - with the brain of a fish. OMG!

As I said, history tends to repeat itself. It really really does. I mean I liked this guy, and they he likes the girl I don't like. Guy disregarded. I again liked another guy, guy likes the same girl I didn't like!! Mr. history.. come on, don't keep on going in circles! Spare me just this time. Well, maybe that's a sign that I should look for another. They say that there are many fishes in the ocean, well, true. But ponder on this - there are sharks, fishes with thorns, colored but poisoned fishes, little fishes, big fishes, weird fishes, and so few nemos. And they say that the ratio for men to women is 1:3. And many men become priests! Even if 1/2 women in the world become nuns, still the ratio would not become 1:1! Well maybe I should think of getting myself cloistered and seriously considering of being a woman of cloth. What do you think?

Just this afternoon, I realized that this world is so full of change. Nothing ever ever stays the same (how poor of me to realize this just now! Dory syndrom full blast again!). People change, health changes, work changes, time flies fast, children grow up, people get married (which I doubt will happen to me, I'll invite you if ever I do), dogs die, processors get obsolete, hair becomes white, people die, fishes get eaten up. It always goes round and round. And now I end up with fish again. History does repeat itself. LOL. ROFL.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Infinite Loop

while (1)
Serious mode - standing up - nice hairdo - passing by - saying hello - hi to me too! - ear to ear smile - tinkling laugh - bubbles of joy - teasing joke - unbelievable feeling;

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Blots of the Past (No Regrets)

It all started one windy day in summer,
It felt perfect, like happy ever after
Felt I could ask for no other but you
Still thinking that you're my dream come true

I felt my heart flutter as I caught a glimpse of you that day
I shut my eyes so tight, I don't know what to say
As you draw near I felt my breathe escape
I know with you I'll always feel safe

But then I see everything clearly in you eyes
They seem to have lost their sparkle, I can see lies
In those pools of brown I know you're hiding something
My love, come on, please tell me everything!

But still you kept silent as the leaves fly by
I could feel my eyes brimming, oh I wanna cry
Why now, when everything's so perfect, all in place?
Please say something, oh God, I'm in a daze!

Awkwardly you started to move, and encircled you hands around me
You slowly carress my hair, and lift my chin so I can see you clearly
But why are those stares so sad and so guilty?
Why can't you just pour on me the reality?

You hug me tight, as if you're afraid to let go
You whisper words I've heard not so long ago
But those I don't want to hear
You began to tell the story as I wiped a tear

Your heart's owned by another, you told me so
Can't imagine her kissing you, on the planes I so know
Can't imagine her saying those three words, which I always do
Can't iimagine her replying the same words, words that used to be true to both me and you

As the sun sets in the far horizon
Now crying for you is an action to which I have no reason
Though it may hurt this much,
I have enough courage for one last touch

Alas! Goodbye I say to you
I once thought that our love will be forever true

But because of you I'll be afraid to love another
And will never believe in happy ever after

As the day draws to a close,
I remember that everything is done with a purpose
Loving you I know is with a reason
Your leaving hurts as much as the prickling heat this season

And now as I read the last few lines of my diary
And try to recall the remaining events in my memory
I come to conclude that one big fact is true:
I'll never regret that I loved you.

Blots of the Past (All A Big Mistake)

I love you never knowing I was blind,
For you were so sweet and oh so kind
I never knew you're one big flake
Never thought it's all a big mistake

At first I didn't spare you a look
But then I came to like you , I carelessly dared
I never knew it would be one of the silliest moves I'd ever make
Never thought it's all a big mistake

I was dazed by the flowers that you've given me
Couldn't believe I'd loved you, felt I was crazy
I didn't see the reality until it was all too late,
Never thought it's all a big mistake

You were real committed at first, always spared time
But then we lost touch, lost sound like a silly mime
Didn't like the way I felt, it's you I came to hate
Never thought it's all a big mistake

The tears have dried and I've come to accept everything
You're now just a memory, one stupid fling
But the friendship I know I'll keep for old times sake
I now conclude it's definitely one big mistake!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Naliba (Tricked) - With a Sinking Feeling

Taking a peek, eyes sparkling
Hiding a smirk, thoughts jumping
Slipping into a dream, hopelessly yearning
Slowly realizing, with a sinking feeling

Stealing a glance, seemingly shy
Sending a message, waiting for a reply
Rushing excitement, phone ringing
Just my mom, with a sinking feeling

Savoring moments of trifle presence
Taking care the other would not sense
Pretty girl at his side flirting,
He flirts back, with a sinking feeling

Palms sweating, tears falling
Thoughts swirling, heart breaking
Arms folded, emotions crumbling
I lost again, with a sinking feeling

-written by waxie (101305)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Hai! Naku.. (A Filipino Haiku)

It fell,
It broke -
Shattered into pieces..
Ouch! - my heart

-written by waxie (2000)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Undetermined

When will this feeling end?
When will my heart mend?
When will I stop thinking of you?
When can I stop this feeling so true?
When will I stop this stupidity?
When will I let go of you easily?
When will I stop hurting?
When can I forget everything?
When will I stop loving you?
When can I shut the scenes that hurt me so?
When will you stop acting so loving?
When will you stop driving me crazy of longing?

- written by waxie (2000)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Busy

Busy is the reason why you haven't called lately
Busy is the reason why you make me go crazy
Busy is the thing that made you forget me
Busy is the thing that makes you think of everything except me

Busy is the reason why our friendship's dying
Busy is the reason why you're lying
Busy is the thing that separates us both
Busy is the thing that I loath

Busy is the reason why I'm slowly forgetting you
Busy is the reason why I feel so blue
Busy is the thing that makes me see
Busy is that thing that makes never you and me

-written by waxie (2002)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Pattern

Just a friend, I keep telling myself
Risked my heart, my friend lend me help
Again don't punish me, make no games
No spinning the bottle nor writing FLAMES

Over and over I keep reminding myself
Don't make your heart fall, don't hurt yourself
I can't help it but I'm really hit
Love's arrow struck me, I'm thrown in a pit

Once more I can't be hurt, this feeling's weird
Vowed never to love you, this I feared
Entered the kingdom of love, I'm lost
Young woman's heart torn I'm toast!

Once in love, forever trapped
Unanimously knocked out, I'm zapped!
You show me some signs but they confuse me
Please confirm if I'm really just a friend or do you love me?

-written by waxie (2000)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Him

I first met him at the school halls
Back then he didn't catch my glance
Like my thoughts of never loving frogs nor trolls
I braved I would never give him a chance

Unfortunately I began to notice him
But not in clothes nor skin
Everything came out of the blue
And pierced my heart deep within

For months a friendship blossomed and stayed
But still I felt sad, day and day dismayed
I shool my head, many times I said no
My brain begs me to stop but my heart shouts "Go!"

I permitted him to enter and break my heart
I was a martyr, I kept falling apart
For him I'm a friend, nothing more, nothing less
But that didn't make me love him less

I learned to expect the unexpected
I never know I'd go through this, this I never wanted
I never knew I'd hurt this much I'd suffer
And lose my chance of happy ever after

(083001 - 10:40pm)

(101005 - 11:03pm): Pan

A needle to the deafening silence
A ripple on the surface of calm waters
A perplexing thought in my common sense
Forging deep curves on my dark corners

A speck of white on the all black sky
A shy turtle amidst a thousand rabbits,
An ounce of courage when you really feel like crying
A piece of diamond broken into bits and pieces

A drop of water on a scorching desert
A piece of driftwood on Titanic's downfall
A smile amidst the pain and the hurt
The strike of midnight on Cinderella's ball

A flower's bloom on a winter's snow
Splotches of ink flowing out of my pen
Someday I'll regret this, I know
Having the same feeling all over again

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Spare Me a Chance

I remember the times we've talked with each other
Coming home late, daddy's scoldings I didn't bother
When you called, I pushed myself to be there for you
But seemingly you didn't recognize the things I do

I didn't care as long as I had you
I didn't complain for the things you've put me through
I wasn't afraid whether you loved me or not
For you I was a puppy, more like a mutt

I've been writing these love poems, silly me
I've been dying for you to read them and let you see
That I love you this much, O stupid me!
To be blinded by your loving actions, how foolish of me

A year of friendship, four seasons passed
You're now too far from me, nothing's left alas!
But the memories we've shared together as friends
Do you still treat me as one, or now all ends?

You don't even bother to call me nor write me
I'm in pain, still want to reconcile with thee
But our friendship's dying, like a rose in the desert
A thread of love remains amidst the turmoil and the hurt

Have you even thought of me lately?
My thoughts of you are really driving me crazy
All I want is for you to put some importance
On our wilting friendship, give it a chance.

(010102 - 11:09pm)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

(100405):7:54PM This atrocious feeling

This word suddenly popped into my mind - atrocious.
One entry found for atrocious.
Entry Word: atrocious
Function: adjectiveText: 1 extremely disturbing or repellent -- see HORRIBLE 12 extremely unsatisfactory -- see WRETCHED 1
(as to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary).
As to my recent MSN messenger tagline - "Love is not a chance but a choice." When I was still in college, I always argued with my ex-professor that love was not purely a choice but also partly a feeling. We reached a common ground concluding that feelings are what we call 'spices' in this context of love but love is not merely a feeling but mostly a choice. This is where we reach the context of atrocity, the atrocity of this feeling of mine. Why atrocious? Because I'm feeling it again and I can't help it. Yes, I can help prevent it by staying away from that source of this atrocious feeling (and this is where the context of deciding comes). How difficult it is to make that decision - deciding whether to stick with it or get away from it. Another cliche: LOVE HURTS. Indeed it does - if you get to be dragged by this atrocious feeling. Arrrgghhhhh!@#! And another cliche: History repeats itself. Then again, i did not escape the atrocious feeling. Unlucky me.

(100305):1:36PM Start the day right

This is my first post. This is my second blog (friendster's blog is my first one). I have been putting my thoughts on paper ever since..i dunno eversince when.. and I keep losing the papers! Darn. Dory syndrome full blast on me!
A great day to start a great week. Mondays. Whew! We just had our sportsfest culmination. I can't help but be relieved. I've done a pathetic job as an emcee and I've bared my large forearms in our Amazing Race (NCR edition). Naks! I gotta work in reducing the weight of every adipose cell in my arms.
What a day! I woke up this morning having a severe dysmennorhea. Aside from having the Dory syndrome, I also unfortunately inherited this monthly discomfort which makes me a helpless creature every end of the month. I got out of our rented house for work and hailed a taxi (again I could not help but spend much just because of mencram). I then remembered (poof! dory syndrome level dissipated) that I forgot my wallet! I scrambled out the taxi and went back, but then I remembered that my key for the house is in my wallet! Darn. darn. darn. Taxi meter running. Mencram wailing. Asked for keys from caretaker. Caretaker forgot which set of keys were for our house! Taxi meter still running. Finally got the right one (after trying on dozens), and was finally able to get to work. Whew!
Wanna get your day right? Don't forget your house keys. And make sure to duplicate keys. Or tie your keys on your dog's neck (which reminds me to buy a dog).