Thursday, October 13, 2005

Naliba (Tricked) - With a Sinking Feeling

Taking a peek, eyes sparkling
Hiding a smirk, thoughts jumping
Slipping into a dream, hopelessly yearning
Slowly realizing, with a sinking feeling

Stealing a glance, seemingly shy
Sending a message, waiting for a reply
Rushing excitement, phone ringing
Just my mom, with a sinking feeling

Savoring moments of trifle presence
Taking care the other would not sense
Pretty girl at his side flirting,
He flirts back, with a sinking feeling

Palms sweating, tears falling
Thoughts swirling, heart breaking
Arms folded, emotions crumbling
I lost again, with a sinking feeling

-written by waxie (101305)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Hai! Naku.. (A Filipino Haiku)

It fell,
It broke -
Shattered into pieces..
Ouch! - my heart

-written by waxie (2000)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Undetermined

When will this feeling end?
When will my heart mend?
When will I stop thinking of you?
When can I stop this feeling so true?
When will I stop this stupidity?
When will I let go of you easily?
When will I stop hurting?
When can I forget everything?
When will I stop loving you?
When can I shut the scenes that hurt me so?
When will you stop acting so loving?
When will you stop driving me crazy of longing?

- written by waxie (2000)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Busy

Busy is the reason why you haven't called lately
Busy is the reason why you make me go crazy
Busy is the thing that made you forget me
Busy is the thing that makes you think of everything except me

Busy is the reason why our friendship's dying
Busy is the reason why you're lying
Busy is the thing that separates us both
Busy is the thing that I loath

Busy is the reason why I'm slowly forgetting you
Busy is the reason why I feel so blue
Busy is the thing that makes me see
Busy is that thing that makes never you and me

-written by waxie (2002)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Pattern

Just a friend, I keep telling myself
Risked my heart, my friend lend me help
Again don't punish me, make no games
No spinning the bottle nor writing FLAMES

Over and over I keep reminding myself
Don't make your heart fall, don't hurt yourself
I can't help it but I'm really hit
Love's arrow struck me, I'm thrown in a pit

Once more I can't be hurt, this feeling's weird
Vowed never to love you, this I feared
Entered the kingdom of love, I'm lost
Young woman's heart torn I'm toast!

Once in love, forever trapped
Unanimously knocked out, I'm zapped!
You show me some signs but they confuse me
Please confirm if I'm really just a friend or do you love me?

-written by waxie (2000)

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Him

I first met him at the school halls
Back then he didn't catch my glance
Like my thoughts of never loving frogs nor trolls
I braved I would never give him a chance

Unfortunately I began to notice him
But not in clothes nor skin
Everything came out of the blue
And pierced my heart deep within

For months a friendship blossomed and stayed
But still I felt sad, day and day dismayed
I shool my head, many times I said no
My brain begs me to stop but my heart shouts "Go!"

I permitted him to enter and break my heart
I was a martyr, I kept falling apart
For him I'm a friend, nothing more, nothing less
But that didn't make me love him less

I learned to expect the unexpected
I never know I'd go through this, this I never wanted
I never knew I'd hurt this much I'd suffer
And lose my chance of happy ever after

(083001 - 10:40pm)

(101005 - 11:03pm): Pan

A needle to the deafening silence
A ripple on the surface of calm waters
A perplexing thought in my common sense
Forging deep curves on my dark corners

A speck of white on the all black sky
A shy turtle amidst a thousand rabbits,
An ounce of courage when you really feel like crying
A piece of diamond broken into bits and pieces

A drop of water on a scorching desert
A piece of driftwood on Titanic's downfall
A smile amidst the pain and the hurt
The strike of midnight on Cinderella's ball

A flower's bloom on a winter's snow
Splotches of ink flowing out of my pen
Someday I'll regret this, I know
Having the same feeling all over again

Blots of the Past (Old poem) - Spare Me a Chance

I remember the times we've talked with each other
Coming home late, daddy's scoldings I didn't bother
When you called, I pushed myself to be there for you
But seemingly you didn't recognize the things I do

I didn't care as long as I had you
I didn't complain for the things you've put me through
I wasn't afraid whether you loved me or not
For you I was a puppy, more like a mutt

I've been writing these love poems, silly me
I've been dying for you to read them and let you see
That I love you this much, O stupid me!
To be blinded by your loving actions, how foolish of me

A year of friendship, four seasons passed
You're now too far from me, nothing's left alas!
But the memories we've shared together as friends
Do you still treat me as one, or now all ends?

You don't even bother to call me nor write me
I'm in pain, still want to reconcile with thee
But our friendship's dying, like a rose in the desert
A thread of love remains amidst the turmoil and the hurt

Have you even thought of me lately?
My thoughts of you are really driving me crazy
All I want is for you to put some importance
On our wilting friendship, give it a chance.

(010102 - 11:09pm)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

(100405):7:54PM This atrocious feeling

This word suddenly popped into my mind - atrocious.
One entry found for atrocious.
Entry Word: atrocious
Function: adjectiveText: 1 extremely disturbing or repellent -- see HORRIBLE 12 extremely unsatisfactory -- see WRETCHED 1
(as to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary).
As to my recent MSN messenger tagline - "Love is not a chance but a choice." When I was still in college, I always argued with my ex-professor that love was not purely a choice but also partly a feeling. We reached a common ground concluding that feelings are what we call 'spices' in this context of love but love is not merely a feeling but mostly a choice. This is where we reach the context of atrocity, the atrocity of this feeling of mine. Why atrocious? Because I'm feeling it again and I can't help it. Yes, I can help prevent it by staying away from that source of this atrocious feeling (and this is where the context of deciding comes). How difficult it is to make that decision - deciding whether to stick with it or get away from it. Another cliche: LOVE HURTS. Indeed it does - if you get to be dragged by this atrocious feeling. Arrrgghhhhh!@#! And another cliche: History repeats itself. Then again, i did not escape the atrocious feeling. Unlucky me.

(100305):1:36PM Start the day right

This is my first post. This is my second blog (friendster's blog is my first one). I have been putting my thoughts on paper ever since..i dunno eversince when.. and I keep losing the papers! Darn. Dory syndrome full blast on me!
A great day to start a great week. Mondays. Whew! We just had our sportsfest culmination. I can't help but be relieved. I've done a pathetic job as an emcee and I've bared my large forearms in our Amazing Race (NCR edition). Naks! I gotta work in reducing the weight of every adipose cell in my arms.
What a day! I woke up this morning having a severe dysmennorhea. Aside from having the Dory syndrome, I also unfortunately inherited this monthly discomfort which makes me a helpless creature every end of the month. I got out of our rented house for work and hailed a taxi (again I could not help but spend much just because of mencram). I then remembered (poof! dory syndrome level dissipated) that I forgot my wallet! I scrambled out the taxi and went back, but then I remembered that my key for the house is in my wallet! Darn. darn. darn. Taxi meter running. Mencram wailing. Asked for keys from caretaker. Caretaker forgot which set of keys were for our house! Taxi meter still running. Finally got the right one (after trying on dozens), and was finally able to get to work. Whew!
Wanna get your day right? Don't forget your house keys. And make sure to duplicate keys. Or tie your keys on your dog's neck (which reminds me to buy a dog).