Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Funny Error Message

I typed into my browser this accidentally: "\/" and it gave me this:

Error 503 Service Unavailable

Error talking to backend

Guru Meditation:

XID: 524947444



What on earth is this error message? ^_^ Guru Meditation? Hahahaha.

Saturday, August 23, 2008


I will be leaving Fairfield on September 7. Two weeks more. I can't believe it.

Time truly flies fast! I am now on twiddling my thumbs and can't seem to do things right - and this happens when I am nearly there.. I mean, I am still going to the starting point and I feel like I am not ready for the race. This is the race for my dreams, to do what I planned to do and be good in it. Yet I feel I really am not ready yet.

I have to get a grip on myself and start publishing my resume and face the recruiters. I have to polish what I have started and face the music. I just have to. I have to shed off all this fear and just hold my head up high even if deep inside I am scared. Some people ask why I'm scared, of all the years in my life, why do I have to be scared now? I just fear fear. I have to end this and open the door, accept the wind and let myself fall freely.

I can't avoid it. I have to let it happen. I should be ready. I have to be.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

24 Hours

This is gonna be one gruelling day. Yet again.

Again, as a result of my procrastination, I'm gonna cram for our final project. Greg is gonna kill me if I don't finish my part within the 24 hours... I can do it! :D Well if I can't I guess we still can make it. In less than 48 hours we have to submit the 30% part of our grade and I hope it turns out alright..

Massage me please. Sleep, don't invade my thoughts. Leave me be. I'm not a coffee drinker, what do you suggest? I have to remain awake for the next 24 hours. I just have to survive. Thursday afternoon, you are my inspiration - for now that is (ahem). :)

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I stroll by the water's edge feeling the late afternoon's breeze
Squinting at the sun's farewell rays and minding the chilling squeeze
Of the night that's coming and here I am alone again
Casting my thoughts and wishes and throwing them straight up to heaven

For years I did not mind and just found myself watching
Lovers strolling hand in hand by this long salty stretch kissing
And hugging each other until the sun bids farewell
As I was just content with the idea of being just a nun, that really I can tell

Everyday I lived my life making couples happy
In this kaleidsocopic world of tears, laughter and misery
Extending bunches of flowers day by day that's what I do
They just don't know how sad I am, they just don't have a clue

I then realized that I yearn for something more
I want a new chapter, a new stanza, and open a new door
In this sendentary life of mine I think it needs a sprinkle
Of something different, a spurt perhaps or even a tiny twinkle

Here I am the flower girl not the kind that you see in weddings
I'm just the same as you, as everyone else, I also think of happy endings
One day I'll be given my own flowers and find my own true mate
But really I'm serious, I'm truly looking for a date!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

On the Verge of Falling

Procrastination is the #1 enemy of programmers who have deadlines everyday as well as the nemesis of students who have deadlines every week and upcoming exams. I might as well face it and extinguish it off me, purge it out and live on with my life. I better start grabbing those books, perch myself on the sofa and prepare myself for the 24 hours of nerve-wracking intense study. The life of a masters student.

The image you see if the first output we had during the first week of our Computer Graphics (CG) class. It was greg who chose this Simpson house model (for I just chose to draw my own Winter Wonderland scene and hoped to capture that image in 2D). But when Greg was able to depict most of the famous cartoon's dwelling on screen making use of Java's 3D APIs, I was inspired to finish the scene and helped him with the surrounding greens, some parts of the house and the finishing touches of Bart's home. I would say it looks complicated enough for you to think it was challenging to make but I think it would really be undermining things if I say it was easy to make. It was the start of the course and we had more than 500 lines of code for a single image. But we really don't blame ourselves for there were still some things that we did not know.

This image should inspire me to study today - and just finish things off with a bang. I still have a final project to finish but I should erase that from my head and concentrate on this upcoming exam. Many people thought CG to be a walk in the park but if you find matrix conversions, trigonometry, and algebra to be easy, think again. I thought at first it was gonna be easy too but I changed my mind 180 degrees on the first day.

But I pray that the exam tomorrow would not be as bad as I anticipated. So help me God.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Heart's Reflections 1

My personal motto is: "Live like it's your last, love like it's your first". I am supposed to be starting our final project tonight but instead, here I am typing away my thoughts - of home and of my life before I came here. So here I am, sharing my treasured memories of my life back at home - and what I think and feel of the people around me. Living like it is my last.

I am lucky to have lived with a close knit family. I really am thankful for the way my parents raised me and disciplined me. Despite some storms along the way, I am glad to have weathered them all. I have become strong and have learned to dream, even dreams which I thought would be impossible.

I lived in a family compound stretching from the highway to the beach. It is not as big as you think it is and the size really does not matter. It has become a niche for dreams for me; it was where I started to dream small dreams, big dreams, impossible dreams.

As a child, I was lucky to have my cousins as playmates. My cousins from Davao used to come to the compound every summer and we really looked forward to every summer vacation. We used to race to the beach every morning and spend the whole day basking under the heat of the summer sun until our skins turned red and burned. We welcomed the peeling of our skins the next day - looking forward to our next beach sessions. We swam with the fishermen and their fishnets - and them scolding us for pulling the still-struggling fishes from the nets. I learned how to find worms on the sand and got excited when I get to pull one out which I would then "donate" to some people fishing on the seaside. When teachers in grade school would lovingly torture us with declamation pieces to memorize, together with my printed declamation, I would memorize stanzas perched on a branch of my favorite tree near the beach. The beach became my bestfriend. On its sands I wrote the names of my crushes, and it was where I ran to when I felt low. It was where I cried when my father scolded me, and where I spent time when I felt giddy with joy. It was where I had my debut party. And I hope, it is gonna be where I am going to get married. It is a very special place for me.

I remember us having "siesta' with our Lola in her favorite plastic chair near the beach with 2 bottles of coke and bags of Piattos, Mr. Chips and Nova. Sometimes, even some pieces of her (and mine too) favorite cobs of corn bought from a passing tindera. I really miss my Lola. She was like the thread that held us all and when she died, it was like everyone just started getting out of the compound.

I was a very shy girl back then. I only talked when needed, and was usually described as a serious, melancholic person. I was also VERY thin back in high school, my classmates in Pisay never envisioned me to balloon up. Ahem. Pisay - Philippine Science High School. I guess I was the first one who really left the compound when I was still 13. I guess I really matured during that time - preparing myself for the upcoming turmoils in my life. It was really a blessing for me. It's bad that I don't have much pictures left of my time there. The substitute of the beach was the farmland at the back of the gymnasium. I used to spend Saturday afternoons staring at the stretch of land at the back where the cows grazed and wrote poems there. It was the time of my life when I realized that I should learn to speak up and be stronger. I grew up.

Then college came. College was a whirlwind. It was good high school prepared me for all the events that happened to me in college. Family, school organizations, scholarships, peers. I had to balance them all. But the thing is, everything came out well. I became more confident, more open, and learned how to smile a lot. I learned how to interact, to serve, and to care for the people around me. I grew up more.

Then I graduated. And Cebu came. My first job made me realize that I am not meant to be a call center agent but to be a programmer. Within only 2 months in the job, and despite big possibility of promotion on regularization, I had to bail out. Taking calls is just not my thing. I was itching to see some codes, to think of algorithms, for a change in career. I craved for normal working hours and holidays. I just had to switch. And I did. Then I began to breathe.

To be continued...

Monday, August 04, 2008

My Reason 08.02.08

The shutter released and there I was smiling
You again did a great job and there I was just tagging
To witness life's miracles and great events
And find its glory and just make sense

But then you thought I came there for the free food
Or maybe you thought I was forced to make you feel good
Being in the middle of things really just excites me
And drifting with you just sets me free

Or maybe you thought I just am always bored
And I've been searching for things to make my life colored
But you know better that pictures can come to life even in black and white
Ostrich and elephants in dreams could take flight, now that would be a sight!

Yes I admit all of these makes me appreciate
The beauty of reality more and makes me have more faith
But that is not really what I am truly after
What I really just want to do is be with the one who releases the shutter

Friday, August 01, 2008

Tricks of Fate

How lucky you are when a guy would THINK that YOU are the woman of his dreams
How lucky you are when a guy would FEEL that YOU are the ONE
How lucky you are when a guy DECIDES that he LOVES you
How lucky you are. How lucky you are.

How confused you got for how could he THINK that YOU are THAT woman?
How confused you got for how could he FEEL that YOU are the ONE?
How confused you got for how could he DECIDE that he LOVES you?
How confused you are. How confused you are.

How hurt he FEELS when you REJECT him
How hurt he feels when you DEFLECT him
How hurt he feels when you let him GO
How hurt he feels that he too lets you GO
How hurt he is. How hurt he is.

Fate just plays trick on him, but mostly on you...

When you THINK that he is the MAN of your DREAMS but he is GONE
When you WANT him BACK but he is GONE
When you FEEL that he is the ONE but he is GONE
When you DECIDE that you LOVE him but he is gone
He is gone. Oh he is gone.

Then you cry. You just cry.

A Song that Makes me Sigh

Heard this song on the radio in Ate Chery's car on the way home from Pizza Ranch (was down with fever and had to get out). I can't help but admire the piano intro and the nice lyrics.. and again.. can't help but reflect...
Wait For You by Elliott Yammin

I never felt nothing in the
world like this before
Now I’m missing you and I’m wishing you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know; so now I’m all alone

Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn’t give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep runnin’ down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
(When) Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me?
You’re still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying

Baby why can’t we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you’re keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it’s the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
I’ll be waiting …