Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Heart's Reflections 1

My personal motto is: "Live like it's your last, love like it's your first". I am supposed to be starting our final project tonight but instead, here I am typing away my thoughts - of home and of my life before I came here. So here I am, sharing my treasured memories of my life back at home - and what I think and feel of the people around me. Living like it is my last.

I am lucky to have lived with a close knit family. I really am thankful for the way my parents raised me and disciplined me. Despite some storms along the way, I am glad to have weathered them all. I have become strong and have learned to dream, even dreams which I thought would be impossible.

I lived in a family compound stretching from the highway to the beach. It is not as big as you think it is and the size really does not matter. It has become a niche for dreams for me; it was where I started to dream small dreams, big dreams, impossible dreams.

As a child, I was lucky to have my cousins as playmates. My cousins from Davao used to come to the compound every summer and we really looked forward to every summer vacation. We used to race to the beach every morning and spend the whole day basking under the heat of the summer sun until our skins turned red and burned. We welcomed the peeling of our skins the next day - looking forward to our next beach sessions. We swam with the fishermen and their fishnets - and them scolding us for pulling the still-struggling fishes from the nets. I learned how to find worms on the sand and got excited when I get to pull one out which I would then "donate" to some people fishing on the seaside. When teachers in grade school would lovingly torture us with declamation pieces to memorize, together with my printed declamation, I would memorize stanzas perched on a branch of my favorite tree near the beach. The beach became my bestfriend. On its sands I wrote the names of my crushes, and it was where I ran to when I felt low. It was where I cried when my father scolded me, and where I spent time when I felt giddy with joy. It was where I had my debut party. And I hope, it is gonna be where I am going to get married. It is a very special place for me.

I remember us having "siesta' with our Lola in her favorite plastic chair near the beach with 2 bottles of coke and bags of Piattos, Mr. Chips and Nova. Sometimes, even some pieces of her (and mine too) favorite cobs of corn bought from a passing tindera. I really miss my Lola. She was like the thread that held us all and when she died, it was like everyone just started getting out of the compound.

I was a very shy girl back then. I only talked when needed, and was usually described as a serious, melancholic person. I was also VERY thin back in high school, my classmates in Pisay never envisioned me to balloon up. Ahem. Pisay - Philippine Science High School. I guess I was the first one who really left the compound when I was still 13. I guess I really matured during that time - preparing myself for the upcoming turmoils in my life. It was really a blessing for me. It's bad that I don't have much pictures left of my time there. The substitute of the beach was the farmland at the back of the gymnasium. I used to spend Saturday afternoons staring at the stretch of land at the back where the cows grazed and wrote poems there. It was the time of my life when I realized that I should learn to speak up and be stronger. I grew up.

Then college came. College was a whirlwind. It was good high school prepared me for all the events that happened to me in college. Family, school organizations, scholarships, peers. I had to balance them all. But the thing is, everything came out well. I became more confident, more open, and learned how to smile a lot. I learned how to interact, to serve, and to care for the people around me. I grew up more.

Then I graduated. And Cebu came. My first job made me realize that I am not meant to be a call center agent but to be a programmer. Within only 2 months in the job, and despite big possibility of promotion on regularization, I had to bail out. Taking calls is just not my thing. I was itching to see some codes, to think of algorithms, for a change in career. I craved for normal working hours and holidays. I just had to switch. And I did. Then I began to breathe.

To be continued...

1 comment:

faith said...

waaaahhhh...Seems so long ago when we thought we were fat. Look at as now...!!!