Sunday, June 15, 2008

Once in a Saturday Afternoon

I am just an ordinary girl. Nothing special, really. They say I have the brains but that doesn't make me any more than what I am. I mean, that is too crude for me to say, I should be grateful, I truly am for it has helped me reach the position I am in but in many ways people have misunderstood me because of it.
I'm still having side effects due to burning of the midnight candle. We had a bearable exam this morning (thank God) and I had to make up my grades due to successive shameful quizzes. I hope the exam patched things up (bracing myself else I will be distorting the consistency).
I really apologize for talking in riddles sometimes. I guess some people maybe able to guess what I intend to impart but the reason for this really is for the person whom I am masking the message to to strive hard to get the message. Isn't that ironic? o_O
Have you ever tried hard to understand something and when you think you finally get the gist, you get lost again? I have felt like that many times this week - not just in lectures but also when chatting with people. It irritates me sometimes but my soft spot just surfaces and lowers my self-pity.
When I care, I really give my all and forget myself. Many friends of mine kept reminding me that I should start to think of myself or should I say, think of myself first. But I don't know where I got this trait of mine that when I start to think of myself first, I just shove those thoughts away and give in to service. Self-pity waxie, self-pity.
I just hope people will not take my care for granted. When I care, I really give a thread of my heart. Haha. Drama. ;)
Anyway, why I am writing again? Coz I forced myself to detach from cute senseless conversations with this person to whom I am slowly giving threads of my heart away. But now, I am having second thoughts if I should give these threads away... Should I throw caution to the wind or raise my defenses up? The wind is slowly pulling my threads away.. am I too late? I hope not. I can always pull them back. I just hope the bee will not sting. I hope.

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