Monday, February 11, 2008

The American Dream

Here I am tapping away inside the girls' dormitory here in Fairfield Iowa. I should have spent my breaktime studying Java but melancholy hit me and I just had to write my thoughts down. So here I am, gathering threaded thoughts of the past week and relaying to who'd ever care to browse my page.

I really don't know how cold the weather is outside (Americans are real conscious of the temperature, no wonder they keep talking about the weather - not to mention that the weather condition here in our place is real bad). The bikes stowed outside are partially covered with snow (like I think 3-4 inches deep) and the wind is howling like crazy. It has been howling there most of the night and all day. I praise the olden people who have survived this place. Why on earth did Maharishi place his school here? Well I guess for the people to be able to concentrate more on his TM techniques.. I guess...

Everything's pretty new. New place, new friends, new EVERYTHING. New room, new bed, new weather, new... I have new clothes (courtesy of my aunt in california - thanks a lot tita! :)) but really, it's all necessity. Without these clothes, I bet our house that I would really freeze to death. My hair's having split ends (which I never had in the Philippines) and my nails want to get out of my skin. It's not that I am complaining, all of these are graces and I should be thankful but it really is not a picnic being here. To be up that pedestal, I have to climb Mt. Everest.

Maybe Americans think that I am here for the American dream. Or maybe many people do. At first I thought so too, but now, I wish I could go back to the Philippines, direct my own life and live life as lived. But for my own sanity and for the security of my family, I have to come here, eat my socks out and challenge myself.

Immigration was not that friendly though. He was smirking at the thought of Maharishi granting I20 visas. I was thinking, isn't that too judgmental? As to what I know, many students coming here in general and are from other countries really put their best foot forward. I even know some of my countrymen who studied in Maharishi who are now currently doing their internships in Microsoft (which is being looked up to by many people here and hailed by some as the biggest IT company here in the U.S.). I am not really that looking forward to the TM stuff (but it really doesn't hurt to try); what I am looking forward is the challenge of getting that masters degree - not just pass it but being able to get it with flying colors. And who knows, in the future I'd be able to go to a better school.

What about my room? It is as big as the room I shared with 4 people in my high school dorm. Not bad. I have internet connection, a heater, many shelves and a huge cabinet (does that sound like I am bragging? ^_^ Sorry, I really am just very proud of my room. Heehee.) I already arranged my stuff and it is looking liveable. Hehehe. AJ said by the first look of it, it looks like a big prison cell. But nah, some cute touches and it looked OK already.

What about the place? As I said, very very cold. Like some giant dumped the remains of his ice cold Coca Cola. Heehee. The food? Terrible in the evening, great in the morning. Why terrible during dinner? Coz I just really amazed by their talent of being able to turn greens and vegetarian stuff into food. I'm sorry coz I really am not a vegetarian. I would love to have a taste of KFC anytime.

But I can say I would love some extra blankets and extra pillow (a long hotdog pillow would do or a big pillow).

Just to add - this afternoon, I had an "afternoon"mare. I dreamt I could not wake up from my dream because some being is preventing me from waking up. Imagine, a dream within a dream. I could have died. And when I finally woke up, I had cramps. Leg cramps. But thank God for letting me live. Maybe it was because of my digestion of a huge amount of breakfast. I should eat less breakfast the next time.

I am the only Filipina in our batch. There are many Nepalese. We are 3 Filipinos all in all (for the Feb entry, Computer Professionals Program). Because they tend to talk their language when I am with them, the tendency is I get to hide inside my bedroom most of the time (which I hate to do). But most probably, I will be getting out of my burrow soon.

Another thing, don't ever fall for someone who just wants to kiss you. Make sure the reason he wants to kiss you is because he loves you not the other way. (Now why on earth did the topic shift?) The guy I'm talking about knows who he is but I bet a million he will not be able to read what I'm writing here.

So to those who want to live their American dreams? Think long. It's not easy to reach the cloud. And being on the cloud is not at all easy.

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